I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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