Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love having hate sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
