Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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