God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
