Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
