we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
NoShamevember. You game?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
