But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
