So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
