I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
try to milk me bitch
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