And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
