That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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