Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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