when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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