when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
