Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
