I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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