how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
