Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
