i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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