There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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