I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
