i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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