Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize