I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
