too bad you live with your parents still
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
