i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
