My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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