i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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