So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
