In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
