You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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