Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
