he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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