It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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