my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
