where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
