Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
