I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
