i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i now understand why vodka
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
