She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
