nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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