would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
