It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You made out with two different species that night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
