my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
