my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.