apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.