I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
