my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
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The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.