Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s