God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."