Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
