What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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