I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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