i don't like sucking hair
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
