I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
