I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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