Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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