Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
