Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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