You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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