My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
