Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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