At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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