that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just had sex bonerless
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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