yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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