I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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