"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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