Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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