Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
