sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
