also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
