All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry about my life...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
