My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
