Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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