I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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