Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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