i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I supernannyed him into submission
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
