then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
