I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize