my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
no, he came in my armpit
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
