I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
