Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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