so explain again why im purple
no
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
