i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
