Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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