its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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