speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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