My first STD was from a foam party
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
